Buang Sui - The Book Burning Ceremony

During my high school pre-STPM (A levels equivalent) days, me and my buddies used to go back to school to study at night. It was an excuse to get out of the house at nite as much as to study. Believe me, study we did because all my life as a student, I have never studied as hard as I did for the freaking STPM!!!! The farking exam is DAMMMM Hard ok!! HARD!!! especially the stoopid accounting paper ( a story for another time!)

Anyways, my school is very old. About 100 odd years already and there are a lot of stories of it being haunted and all. Especially the boys toilet as it was said that during the Japanese oocupation of Malaysia, it was used as a torture chamber. At night, it was not even lit, so imagine going to take a leak in a supposed haunted underground toilet with no lights. NO WAY DOODS! "The pee just wont come out man" claimed a poor victim who braved it once!

So, what we sane boys used to do then was to use the only girls toilet available. Above ground and brightly lit!! (our school only admit girls for form six). Pee sure come out!!

Then one nite after studying and talking cock for a bit, I decide to go take a leak. As I step into the cubicle, I noticed to my farking horror a used Kotex/Whisper/Freedom (whatever you call it) lying on top of the toilet!

"CHOI,DIU, Tai kat lai see!!! "i said loudly.

Al and Andy heard it and came over to kepoh and see what the hell is going on. Both of them went "DIIIIUUUUUU!!!!, CHOI!!!" ( Diu means Fark in cantonese while Choi can be used to mean Shit or Damm or away with da bad luck)

After Diu-ing and Choi-ing for the umpteenth time, the three of us then decide to do the right thing. Dispose of it as we were after all users of the toilet at nite. Hence, Al went about the prefects room and found a thong and with it, he grabbed the "thing" and walked out of the toilet and asked how and where to dispose it!

"Dumb fark, of course rubbish bin la diu!" says me.

Just then, all of us looked at each other and an evil thought flashed into our brains at the same time.

We noticed Hak Kwai (Black Ghost), another friend of ours is still diligently and hard-workingly studying back in the classroom. While the 3 of us are hardly studying at that time. So Al thought that Hak Kwai needed to take a break and have a bit of Kit Kat time.

He brought the "thing" with him into the classroom and slowly commando crept close enough to Hak Kwai (Black Ghost) and when he was in position, he dropped it "Kerplonk!!" skillfully right smack on his text book which he was hardworkingly staring at!

"CRRAAAAAAAAAAAAAASSSSSSSH BING BANG BOOM!!!" As Hak Kwai jumped like a jack rabbit dumped onto a hot pan in fear of that "thing" on his book and pushed the table with his book on it for almost 5 feet away from him!

Next thing we know was, "Muthafarkers, diu nia sing (fark yr sing), Sei chai(dead kid), mah chao hai, hum ka fu kwa (whole family get rich)i!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! CHOI!!!!!!!" coming out of Hak Kwai's mouth and the look on his face drained the blood from our veins as all three of us ran for our lives / split 3 ways!!

Of coz, me and Al being the fit bastards can sprint the fastest all except for Andy, with his added bulk he can manage to last a only a few mins....in the end after running around the whole blardy school we decided to face the music and let Hak Kwai confront us.

He was farking us left, right, center, frontside as well as backside all!! In the end he sputtered the words...

"Fark la you cibai farkers!! I am gonna fail my GP coz U farkers throw that Sui (means bad) "thing" onto my book!!! Fark! Fark! I am doomed u farkers!!! Diu all of you! This kind of sui thing also you all play with! Farks!"

After a few more rounds of farks, we came out with a champion idea!

We decided to Buang the Sui (Buang means throw in Malay) by BURNING THE BOOK!!

Hence, the ritual is set and with all of us circled around the book. Andy said something like "Ok by burning this sui book! Your sui luck will disappear with it! and you will NOT FAIL the exam!!" With that, Al torched the bloody book!

When the ceremony was over, Hak Kwai said " Diu!"

I answered "Diu what now? Your sui buangded already!!! No worries man! lets go for supper!!"

After I said that I kena hantamed one time "kow-kow" (means strongly) on the head by the Hak Kwai.

"Diu u la eat! My book now torched how da fark am I suppose to study now U stupid farkers!!!. Farking book cost 15 bucks you know u cheebyes!" He added "Supper my ass la, I will still farking fail now for sure coz I have no book to study!! Dumbfarkers and it's all you guy's FAULT!"

We felt extremely bad after that and we decided once more to do the right thing. Buy him back a new book. Diu! Yeah right do the right thing stupid farkers we all. Hence, we pooled our money 5 bucks each and got the Hak Kwai a new book the next day.

And guess in the end, the book burning ceremony worked coz the muthason Hak Kwai today is a successful civil enginneer, married to a champion wife and blessed with a baby girl!!

Come to think of it, it was Al, me and Andy who got the sui from that farking "Thing"....we ended up paying 5 bucks each for buying back a perfectly normal book, in great condition which we burned becoz of that "thing" as well as feeling like a total arse after kena farked by Hak Kwai and not to mention, spoiling the mood for supper that night!! (which is what I looked forward the most whenever we study in school at nite)